A Forum for Talking Animals

Ella's Practical Solution

2009-07-01T17:57:00.000-07:00

We were driving in the car yesterday when Ella exclaimed from the back of the car. Here is our conversation:

Ella: OH!
Me: What's wrong Ella?
Ella: Booger! [holds up the offending little thing on the tip of her finger]
Me: Oh--do you need me to give you a tissue?
Ella: [holding up a "clean" finger] No. Me eat it.

Lovely.

Ha-ha

2009-05-18T22:36:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I were sitting at the table together and I noticed that he has a new out cropping of gray hairs. The following conversation ensued:

Brittaney: Uh-oh, you are getting a bunch of new gray hairs. You know what that means.
Ryan: What?
Brittaney: Everyone is going to wonder how you were lucky enough to find a wife that is way younger AND way hotter than you. You know, instead of just way hotter, like they do now.
Ryan: Uh-huh... and what are they going to think when I'm walking around with you?

Classic.

Oh Glorious Day!

2009-05-09T12:42:00.001-07:00

My sister just sent me this image captured from the Netflix "Talking Animal Movies" section. I cannot believe that I had not yet stumbled across this hidden gem. Talking animal movie buffs rejoice--our time is now.

My Bucket List

2009-03-25T21:35:00.001-07:00

See the 7 Natural Wonders of the World
I was just talking about this the other day! It is amazing to me how the processes of our Earth (ok--dorky science teacher, yeah-yeah) have made these incredible structures. I think, if the Earth could put in that much time and effort, I could hop on a plane and check them out.

Adopt a Baby From China
I just want a baby that looks Asian. And, as Madison and Ella have proved, my 11.5 chinese chromosomes just ain't gonna get the job done. No offense to my blonde little rugrats--they are the cutest kids I have ever seen. However, they may also be the whitest. What?

Own a House
Okay--so I have kind of done this one. However, I still walk into my house in amazement almost every day. Who would have thought, years ago, that I could afford to buy a house... that had four standing walls and indoor plumbing.

Give an Extravagent and Totally Unexpected Gift
I constantly run the, "what if I won 1 million dollars" scenario through my head. I just love, love, love giving gifts--the bigger the better. I think it would be so awesome to roll up to someone's house in their dream car or to send a kid to college that thought they could never afford it. I really should start playing the lotto...

Live in the same town as our families
I'm not sure that this one will ever get done. Ryan's family are mountain people--my parent's are (soon to be) full time wine country folk--Gabrielle and Ryan live in Southern California and my Rops are all over the west coast. However, if it is possible, I love the idea of buying a huge chunk of land and living together like one big ol' commune. Maybe we could grow our own food and make our own clothes too. What?

And the truth comes out...

2009-03-22T15:59:00.001-07:00

My sister, Gabrielle, just got engaged. I found a fortune teller online and I asked:

"Will Brittaney look better than Gabrielle at her wedding."

The fortune teller answered:

"I know you know this already, but YES!"

Oh-yeah. What?

If I don't answer the phone when you call...

2009-03-17T21:09:00.000-07:00

Ryan ran to Lowe's tonight at around 9pm to purchase:

- 1 pick axe
- 1 large burlap bag

Okay... the pick axe is for digging a large hole to roast a pig in and the bag is to put the pig inside of, however, it all looks a little suspicious to me. Just saying.

Why Ryan got the (purple) stink eye...

2009-03-03T21:53:00.000-08:00

The other day Ryan and I had this conversation:

Ryan: [staring at my face quizzically] I really like the makeup you have on the top of your eye but the stuff on the bottom looks weird.

Brittaney: I don't have make up on the bottom of my eye.

Ryan: Then what is the purple stuff?

Brittaney: My skin.

Ryan: Oh [long pause] maybe you should think about putting some make-up on it then.

What the H?

Fat Babies

2008-11-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, it has been a LONG time. But I have something you won't want to miss... This is the conversation Ryan just had with Ella before going to the grocery store.

Ryan: What should I get at the store Ella?
Ella: Baby.
Ryan: I should get a baby at the store?
Ella: Yeah.
Ryan: Should I ask someone for their baby or just take it?
Ella: Take it.
Ryan: Should I get a little baby or a big fat baby?
Ella: Fat baby.

It is decided folks--we will be adopting (aka kidnapping) a fat baby from the Nugget this evening.

Escape in the Night

2008-07-27T13:48:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I were just discussing the idea of toddler beds last week. In fact I recall we said something like, "Let's keep them in the crib until they are 2 or until they figure out how to get out." I guess we are going with option #2. This was the scene last night when I went to check on the girls shortly after putting them to bed.

Champion

2008-07-08T16:55:00.001-07:00

Grant and I raided the Woodland Target for Wii Fit Balance Boards on 4th of July and found two. We figured there was no better way to celebrate the birth of our Nation than with some unabashed consumerism.

The Wii Fit has now become a silent competition in our house. When I am not home Ryan tries to beat my high scores (he is yet unable to match my ski jump skills) and vise versa. The hardest one for me to beat was Ryan's soccer ball score. You have to head butt soccer balls that come flying at you while simultaneously dodging flying cleats and Panda heads (yes... Panda bear heads). Ryan had a high score of 443 points and, let me just say, that is no small feat. However, you will notice I said "had" because, last night, I achieved... wait for it... a perfect score. That's right, 555 points of black and white bliss. I don't think I have been this excited since the twins were born. What?

A New Haircut

2008-06-26T21:09:00.000-07:00

I don't trim Ella and Madison's hair very often. To be honest, I was afraid that I would trim around their face (like so many parents do) and, over many trims, unknowing sculpt a mullet. Hey--it happens. Anyway, at the prompting of my mother, who pointed out that Madison actually couldn't see out of one of her eyes, I decided to cut their bangs.

Madison's are a bit shorter than Ella's because she made the unfortunate mistake of moving during her trim and the neighboring bangs had to be cut to match. Sorry kid.

Experiementing

2008-06-19T15:34:00.000-07:00

It is summer vacation and, in the name of science, I am keeping the education going by experimenting on my children--mainly with new foods (and occasionally with rocket launchers--what?).

In response to this culinary expansion Ella and Madison have perfected a new taste testing protocol. If they put something in their mouth and don't like it (goat cheese went over like a lead balloon) they take it out and hand it to me--along with what ever portion of the offending food remains on their plate. If that doesn't work they "accidentally/on purpose" drop it on the floor for Cooper.

This is what I have learned in the past few weeks:

1. Ella and Madison will eat shredded carrots but not cut up carrots--Cooper will not eat a carrot in any form.
2. Cooper IS a big fan of cheerios but not grapes.
3. The Dyson is excellent for solid foods but not so good for paste like foods (enter said goat cheese).
4. Beige carpet can hide most stains--with the exception of smashed and ground in mandarin oranges.
5. Apricots only taste good if cut in half but not in chunks.
6. Tortellini can be ingested on a Monday but not a Wednesday or a Friday.
7. Once Daddy lets you eat dinner while sitting on a barstool there is no going back to your regular ways of mundane highchair dining.

Ahh... to be a guy

2008-06-09T21:07:00.001-07:00

When I give a gift I obsess over the wrapping. I'm not going to lie--I take a lot of pride in making it look good. For those of you interested in becoming someone obsessed with the wrap job on your next house warming gift--try wire edged ribbon; you will not be disappointed.

I know that my husband does not share my love of paper and ribbon. In fact, I have been convinced for quite some time that men actually lack a wrapping gene present in most females of our species. Today that thought was supported when this scene unfolded at a local Target store:

A very nice man in khaki pants and a Tommy Jeans Tee tucked in with a belt (nice--but fashion challenged--as are so many) was buying something in front of me. The checker asked him if he needed a bag and the man responded, "Yes. In fact, can you double bag it... it's a gift." Apparently, two Target bags qualifies as gift wrap. Plus, when you are done "unwrapping" you can take your dog for a walk and pick up after them. Really, it's two gifts in one. :)

The Happiest Babies on Earth

2008-04-21T23:52:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Ryan, the babies and I were fortunate enough to go to Disneyland with Grandma, Opa, Grammy, Lola and Ryan. I wasn't sure the girls would be into Disneyland at the wee age of 1.5--boy was I wrong. They loved it! As evidenced by this picture of a fake, hollow tree--with they spent 20 minutes running into and out of...and into an out of... and into and out of...you get the picture. It was a great trip, which I wish could have been longer. Too bad we aren't all leading a life of leisure like Mr. Ryan Meyer--we could have stayed for a week. :)

I would like to NOT thank the Academy

2008-04-13T23:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure who it is that:

a. Decides what movies will be nominated for an Academy Award
b. Watches the movies that were nominated for an Academy Award
c. Chooses the winners of the actual Academy Award

...but someone, some where, is seriously dropping the ball. Case and point: Ryan and I came home from Chicago the other night and my mother in law, Joy, Ryan's brother, Scott and Scott's friend Judah were watching "No Country For Old Men". Great, it just started, it got a lot of awards--I'll watch it. Wrong decision. I realize that I missed the first 15 minutes but all that I picked up from the remaining six hours of torture that followed was: everyone dies, crazy man continues to walk the streets, Tommy Lee Jones doubts himself. Seriously--it was the worst movie I have seen in a really, really long time--and I sat through "Dr. T and His Women" (yeah, it was THAT bad).

Why my husband is awesome

2008-04-06T20:20:00.001-07:00

This past week Ryan and I spent a few days in Chicago. We went because Ryan's Moot Court team made it to the ABA Moot Court Finals after qualifying in the Boston Regional last month. I was fortunate enough to tag along and watch their first round of arguments. Let me say---amazing.

In addition to Ryan the two McGeorge teams were made up of five other individuals--all of whom are fun people with some amazing skills.

Ryan's team ended up ranked 17th--not bad out of 179 teams competing from across the nation. We were able to see the final round yesterday--Harvard ended up winning the competition. They did an amazing job as well. Ryan's coach's son was on the Harvard team--way to go Phil.

All and all it was a weekend full of good food, good company and great arguments. The only downside is that it was the last moot court competition for all those involved. Graduation is always a great time--but it has a bittersweet tinge to it as you move on from law school and the good times involved. However, if you can't do any more competitions you might as well go out on a high note--which they all did. Congratulations to both McGeorge teams and my awesome husband!

Definitely not an email from the Superintendent

2008-03-05T22:51:00.000-08:00

I sometimes check my school email at home. Tonight I received an email titled, "Being Young and Inexperienced...". The district filters are excellent and I rarely get junk mail. I assumed the email was from a teacher in BTSA (a beginning teacher support program I mentor for). Well, you know what they say when you "assume" something... when I opened the email it was a graphic depicting hand drawn "before" and "after" pictures of Viagra users. Good thing I didn't open that one at school.

"Babies who pinch go to boarding school"

2008-02-21T20:59:00.000-08:00

This is Ryan's way of dissuading Madison from pursuing her new found love of pinching our faces. Good times.

Ladies who Lunch

2008-02-17T23:47:00.001-08:00

Ella and Madison enjoying some casual dining at Cafe Grandma.

A surprising day

2008-02-13T17:25:00.000-08:00

Why was it such a surprise? Was it because the power went out due to high winds at school today and we were let out early? No--this was not the reason. The reason today was so surprising can be attributed to a minivan. The minivan in front of me in the Starbuck's drive thru to be exact. The minivan had a little "Land Rover" sticker on its back window. At least that's what I thought it was until I got closer. Instead of "Land Rover" it said, "Bend over." Classy.

You Need One

2008-02-12T19:33:00.000-08:00

I don't watch a lot of commercials. This is primarily due to the glory of DVR. However, I was watching live TV the other day--and boy was I glad I was. On came a commercial for the Logitech Harmony Remote. It sounded good--a universal remote that actually works for all of your electronics and has logical buttons that are arranged by activity verses piece of equipment. Let me explain. If you want to watch TV hit the, "watch TV," button. The remote will turn on the TV, set it to the correct input, turn on the receiver, set it to the right input and turn on the DVR. I know--awesome. I have to admit though--I was skeptical--would it really do the job? So I did what any good consumer would do... I went to Best Buy and I bought one. Ryan and I set it up last night. My life will never be the same. You need one. And that is that.

I Heart Costco

2008-02-10T16:32:00.000-08:00

Not only can you buy a 10-pound block of Chedder but you can see stars. I mean--super stars. Today at Costco I saw Dave Walker and Lois Hart--news anchors for KCRA, channel 3. Who knew that my Sunday would be this blessed.

Happy 8th Birthday/Nice Stripper

2008-02-09T21:19:00.000-08:00

What? Oh--that's right. I went to a joint birthday party for my two cousins and my Grandma Kate today. The stripper was not for my cousins (we aren't THAT screwed up) but rather for my 75 year old grandmother. She loved it. Thank you to my Uncle John for coming up with the brilliant plan. If it weren't for you, John, I may never have experienced a toned, over-tanned, 20-something pelvic thrusting my grandma while she rubbed his back. That's right--she rubbed his back. P.S.--she grabbed his butt too. I tell no lies. I hope your Saturday was a rockin' as mine.

Thanks to Everyone

2008-02-03T22:54:00.001-08:00

My grandfather, Pop-Pop, passed away a couple of weeks ago. His services were held yesterday in the bay area. I knew that his celebration of life service would be nice, but I had no idea how well attend it would be. Pop-Pop's family was there, of course, but so were his neighbors --some from two neighborhoods and 20+ years back--past colleagues and my friends. I didn't realize how much it would mean to me to see all of those faces. I loved my Pop-Pop very, very much--I still do--and I will think about him every day of my life, but to think that he made that much of an impact on so many others as well--I guess it just speaks to how great of a guy he was. To those of you that came, thanks again, and to those of you who wanted to be there and couldn't, thank you for your kind thoughts. I know that, where ever he is, Pop-Pop is kicking down a glass to apple juice, tending to his plants and smiling down on all of us.

A football player and a beauty queen

2008-01-15T21:11:00.000-08:00

I have twin girls. On the outside they look exactly alike. On the inside they are blossoming into two very different little beings...

Madison is going to be a football player. She is going to be the little girl that gets muddy with her "bros" and thinks that boobs are dumb because they just get in the way. I know this because the other day she was reading her sister's favorite book about a brush and a comb that are friends. She was looking at it quite intently, happily flipping the pages. When she got to the end I thought she would close it and start again. No such luck. Instead she closed the book, reopened the back cover, looked at it contemplatively and then ripped the back cover clean off. She was very proud of herself, Ella was heart broken and I was shocked. This was a cardboard book people--we aren't talkin' paperback here. I think she is working her way up to a phone book.

Ella is going to be a flirt. About a month ago she made a new friend. The "friend" was my Grandmother's 3 year old neighbor that had come over for an anniversary party. Ella was fascinated with him. From the moment he sat down she was drawn to him. Her bottle was tossed aside and toys were shoved out of the way as she made a beeline for him. Once she reached him she just looked at him and stared. Then she tipped her head to the side and smiled. Clever. In case her intentions were not clear she then placed her hand on his thigh...and squeezed. This made the poor boy jump about four feet in the air and, from the look on his face, I think he was wishing he still wore diapers. Since then she has continued to seek out young men to smile and wave at. Today was no exception. She found someone at the bounce house--I know, the makings of a true love story. When he went to go home she walked towards him and, before we could stop her--she took the edge of his jacket in both her hands, looked up and gave him that winning, six tooth smile. She's a coy one that one.

This is my prediction for the future: Ryan and I will have been reported to CPS for all of Madison's injuries. If she takes after her Dad she will have attempted dirt biking on a bike with no brakes, free climbing, knife throwing and amazing feats on skis prior to puberty. When we are not running from the law Ryan and I will spend our free time carbing up for all the running we will be doing. Not 10Ks or something fun like that but the kind of running you do after a daughter who is 13 going on 30 and doesn't understand why it is inappropriate for a high school sophomore to date a 23 year old college senior. I'm savoring the lazy days of diaper rash, poop and barf while I can.

Love the Ones You're With...

2008-01-07T22:39:00.000-08:00

Today I heard some depressing news. The woman who teaches next door to me wasn't back at school today after the break. It turns out her brother in law passed away after a battle with cancer. He was only in his thirties.

The thing is, I only knew this man through the stories that were told to me in passing. He seemed like your average, nice guy. In light of our non-relationship I was surprised at how greatly the news effected me. I guess I'm just sad because it is just a really sad story all around. To lose someone, especially someone so young, whom you love is never a happy event.

To my friend and her family I send my best thoughts for happier times to come and vivid memories of the happy times that have past. To the rest of you I wish you days filled with those that you love and enough time to treasure all of the good moments. Be well.

Madison "just says no" to Santa

2007-12-12T19:43:00.000-08:00

What can I say. A big stranger with a white beard wearing a bright red suit. Yeah, I can see how that might be scary.

Welcome to the Meyer Family Beet Farm

2007-11-02T18:39:00.000-07:00

On my class website I have a section called "About Mrs. Meyer". There are pictures of me, the babies and Ryan along with a short biography. Today one of my students told me that she saw a picture of my husband, Ryan, on the website.

She then insisted that he looks exactly like Dwight Schrute from The Office.

Seriously?

Watch out for potholes...

2007-10-31T19:43:00.000-07:00

This, along with, "careful of the gophers in the front yard," are some of the choice phrases that Ryan chooses to share with any trick or treater over the ripe old age of 15. Way to hand out some spirited wisdom along with the treats.

Also, we have the cutest twins on the block. Just saying.

A late dinner at 5:30pm

2007-10-12T19:46:00.001-07:00

I think I have aged about forty years in the past few months. Lately I have been fighting the urge to go to bed at 8:30pm. I'm not talking once in awhile here--I mean on a regular basis. I don't think I have gone to bed at 8:30 since I was 3... and back then I didn't want to I had to. I also like naps. Last night, in hopes of staying off the 8:30 bed time I took a half hour nap at 7pm. It was like 30 minutes in heaven... just saying.

In addition to my early evening bedtime I have also started eating dinner at approximately 5pm. This is the time I usually roll in the door with the babies. The routine is... bottles for babies, snack for Mommy. Usually my snack consists of a healthy portion of last night's dinner. I can't help it. I am ravenous by 4:30 in the afternoon.

I am thinking of joining an over 60's group for some bridge and sit and be fit activities. For serious.

The Birth Place of Civil Rights

2007-09-26T21:51:00.000-07:00

That is the tag line of Montgomery, Alabama. Awesome. Maybe they should change it to, "We are the birth place of civil rights... because we really treated black people like crap and one day they decided to fight back." For serious.

At this point you may be wondering why I was looking up information on Alabama at all. Because I am going to move there. Okay, it is not for sure, but my future-lawyer-to-be husband is going there to interview for a 2 year federal clerkship in Montgomery at the end of next month. I'm sure it will be fine... I'm sure they will offer him the job. He is just the kind of likeable guy that everyone...well... likes. For good reason, though--he is totally awesome.

Anyway, take this as your official notice. I am moving to a land where they won't know what to do with a half-breed and two identical slanty-eyed babies. What?

The desk was $29.99 but the gas to pick it up cost me $579

2007-08-19T23:57:00.001-07:00

IKEA is awesome. Their stuff is cool looking and the price is right... most of the time. My grandparents recently moved into a smaller place. In preparation for the move my family has been working to binge and purge a houseful of 20 years of memorabilia, package it all up and move it across town. In the process my grandmother found herself in need of a smaller desk. EPA (East Palo Alto) here we come.

We chose the "Mikael" workstation from the showroom and proceeded to aisle 23/bin 7 to retrieve our prize. We stored the desk in Grammy's garage until the move and this past Friday I took on the job of putting it together. Upon taking it apart I noticed the stack of parts in front of me was significantly smaller then the picture depicted in the instruction manual... this was likely because the Mikael came in two separate boxes... of which I had one. Excellent.

The following morning I set out on my second trek to IKEA for box numero dos. Thirty minutes later I was happily buzzing back over the Dumbarton bridge with said box in tow. My husband, Ryan, joined me as a co-assembler for this go round and we made excellent progress... until we reached step 12. Just three short steps from the end. It all seemed simple really--take the two metal strips out of the box and attach them to the white piece with the two holes at the top and one at the bottom. Simple that is if you are in possession of a white piece with two holes at the top and one at the bottom. We were not in possession of said piece. This elusive board had apparently neglected to join its friends back in Sweden when they began their long trek toward the EPA. Maybe he was in love with an armchair and couldn't leave her. The answer to why he chose to desert his "Mikael box 2 of 2" family I will never know. What I do know is that there was no way I was going back to IKEA. This is why I married Ryan. He takes care of me (he also knows that sometimes it is better to drive 35 miles for a white board than to stick around and suffer the wrath of Brittaney times 10--smart man).

An hour and a half later he was back... with no board. They didn't have anymore in stock. It took them forty minutes to figure that out. We can pick up a new one on Wednesday. This means we must make trip number 4. Gas costs $2.85 a gallon on a good day. You do the math. Don't worry about Ryan though, his trip was not in vain. He came back with two screws. We didn't actually need them but he was sitting right next to the "spare parts" bin and he figured it was better than coming back completely empty handed. I love him.

A fond farewell...

2007-08-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I have finally finished the Harry Potter series. I have been reading about the trials and tribulations of Harry and his clan for quite some time. I believe I started some time around when the third book was published. That means that Harry, Ron, Hermione and all of the books characters have been in my heart for about four or five years. I must say... it was a darn good book. I do not wish to spoil it for any of you that have not yet read it, but I will say this: it was a satisfying read, but at the same time, a bittersweet conclusion, for I will no longer be able to look forward to midnight Harry Potter release parties (even if I never did attend one), crisp books that cracked when you opened them for the first time and new adventures with my favorite magical adolescents. Although I'm sure that I will join you once again as I re-read books 1-7, for now, I bid all of the characters that grew up and fought noble battles at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry farewell and a heartfelt thanks for the good time.

My exciting life...

2007-07-31T00:20:00.001-07:00

Heather emailed a bunch of us lately and asked us to update our blogs. Upon reading this I agreed that that was an excellent idea... and then I tried to think about what I could blog about... and I drew a blank. I mean, obviously there was my recent Cambria vacation... but seeing as I really only ate, drank and slept (excluding a brief 20 minutes of activity when I researched opening a wine bar online) I figured that might be a dull read. Also, pretty much everyone who reads my blog was on vacation with me. Therefore, reading about my trip would be about as exciting as reading about what you had for dinner two Thursdays ago (Cowboy Spaghetti--delish).

I tried to think about other exciting events that had happened... and could think of none. Nothing to blog about at all... but I could not let my Heather down. So, this is for you Heather...

What I did this 30th day of July...

1. Took Ryan to the Amtrak station--a long story about needing to be in the bay area at different times but wanting to drive home together and having two babies--yada, yada, yada.

2. Brought said babies home and gave them bottles and a bath--in that order

3. Babies took a nap. I read Harry Potter and then took a nap--rough life I know.

4. Fed babies lunch.

5. Feb Mommies lunch--well, one Mommy in particular.

6. Went to the hardware store and bought two screws--$1.78

7. Went to the grocery store and bought--shocker--groceries--$86.73

8. One baby napped and one baby played while I finished Harry Potter.

9. Switched napping baby for playing baby and vise versa.

10. Cooked dinner.

11. Ate dinner.

12. Watched Ghost Rider

13. Blogged about my awesome day

I lead an exciting life. You are lucky to know me.

Thoughtful Babies

2007-07-01T09:41:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I are in Carmel-by-the-Sea for a few days to celebrate our third anniversary. My family is watching Madison and Ella while we are away. I'd venture a guess that the babies are thoroughly enjoying themselves seeing as there are at least three sets of hands to pick them up and play with them at any given moment. However, it seems they still harbor a special place for Mom and Dad.

P.S. My Mom has officially entered "Grandmahood". As you can see Madison and Ella are sporting longsleeve PJs. We brought them onsies to sleep in but my Mom felt they would be cold... in July, so she took them to Target and purchased these little numbers. I'm just waiting for the day that they come home with several obnoxiously loud toys and a matching set of ponies. What?

This is how much I love my friends

2007-06-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

I am a member of the Sacramento Zoo. I like to take the babies there and stroll around. We have seen some pretty cool things at the zoo, in fact, I was once lucky enough to catch a Geoffrey's Cat pooping on video tape. Amazing, I know. But I digress...

As a member of the Zoo I am the recipient of a monthly newsletter. In this newsletter I learned about something wonderful... Zoovies. That's right, kids movies shown right in the zoo for all to see. Good times. But wait, there is more... on July 20th they are showing Charlotte's Web. This is not the cartoon version mind you. We are talking live action, real people and, most importantly, talking animals. A talking pig on the big screen. If that doesn't scream "Oscar" I don't know what does.

I was so excited I responded out loud... in my house... alone. I quickly opened a new window for my Google Calendar. And then, it hit me. July 20th is day numero uno of Ropsheyer Vaca. For those of you who don't know this is the inaggural trip for the Ropsheyer family. What is a girl to do? Do I let them down? Do I come up with an excuse... typhoid, dysentery... anything! But no, I love my little Ropsheyers. I cannot miss a vacation with them... even if it is speaking four legged creatures that I will leave behind. To Charlotte and her friends I say, "We'll have to do it some other time. For even though I feel as close to you as a connoisseur of fine film can, my family is more important." Au revoir mon amies.

Blogging Frustration

2007-06-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

I blog. I enjoy it. But I also enjoy reading other people's blogs (and also reading my own--we all have a little self-indulgent side don't we?). Sometimes I even read my husband's blog. I know, as if I don't know enough about him already, right? Anyway, Ryan and I recently had a little disagreement. It went something like this:

B: I looked at your blog today. What happened to it?
R: I deleted everything.
B: I got that. Why did you delete everything?
R: I just thought I would start fresh
B: You aren't supposed to do that.
R: Says who?
B: Says everyone. A blog is an online log of your life. It's not like you run out of space. You should just keep going so that, later, you can go back and look at past entries.
R: I don't want to do it that way. I like it my way.

Um.... excuse me? He likes it his way? Let's put aside the fact that my way is always the best way and focus on this: He deleted everything and has added nothing new! I link to his page and there is nothing but white to stare at... not to mention the fact that the cute picture of me in Hawaii is gone. Ridiculous.

Personally, I think that he did it because his boss started a blog and Ryan didn't want him reading all of the stuff on his. What, like there were some big life secrets on there? If pictures of your puppy and a review of a Russian River Chardonnay count as big life secrets then I guess so. Umm...not. News flash, big life secrets would be like telling people you drink cosmopolitans and shave your bootie to cut down on irritation while riding your bike... what? Anyway, I know all of you reading this totally agree that deleting your blog is totally ridic.. there isn't even a need to affirm my belief with comments. Just saying.

In response to my Heather...

2007-05-21T20:11:00.001-07:00

I feel you on the skinny jeans. If I didn't know a tiny girl named Gabrielle I would venture to say that they are completely unnecessary. I will say this however... enjoy your waist. It may not be attached to size two legs, but it is there. I love my babies, I couldn't live without them, but when they came out they took my waist with them. In its place they have left a stretchy skin zone between my ribs and my pelvic bone (I know, gross right? But hey, the truth isn't always pretty). Fortunately, I'm too busy doing laundry to focus on it for more then two seconds. And, the truth be told, it was a small price to pay for the two cutest babies in all the land.

P.S. Ryan says I look the same as I did pre-Madison/Ella. I think he just realizes that he might lose vital body parts in his sleep if he didn't have nice words for me. Just saying.

A new motto...

2007-05-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

It is okay to be nice.

Why is it that people feel that it is acceptable to be rude? A recent comment on Heather's blog brought up something that has been bugging me for awhile... people are mean. For no apparent reason, for no cause what so ever, they are just plain rude. Here are several examples:

1. Strangers being rude to strangers: Under the guise of internet anonymity people feel that it is is acceptable to put-down, degrade and generally make others feel like a pile of steaming poo-poo. Why does this make you feel good? What purpose does it serve? They were not harming you in any way. In fact, they didn't even know you existed until you decided to send a little verbal shrapnel their way. Unacceptable.

2. Refusing to help those in need: I understand that it is a scary world sometimes. I don't pick up hitch hikers and I don't help people stranded on the side of the road. In fact, I would be leery of someone who stopped to help me on the side of the road. This is the unfortunate reality that we live in. However, if I can help someone, in an environment that is safe, I am all for it. The other day I was in the baby food isle of Target when a gentleman with a cane came cruising up in an electric cart. He asked the women next to me what kind of foods she would recommend for a baby eating solid foods. She gave him a look of death and said she didn't know. She had an 8 month old infant in her cart. I asked him what types of food he was looking for. Turns out he is a new grandfather looking to stock his pantry for his 10 month old granddaughter who will soon be coming to live with him. Look, if a man in an electric cart asks you for help with baby food at Target I think a courteous answer is more then safe, in fact, I think it is a requirement. He didn't ask you to go to his car in a dark alley and help him feed his 10-month old granddaughter. All he asked for was a little advice... about a baby... that he is taking care of out of the goodness of his heart. Shame on you.

3. And perhaps the most disturbing of all... Kids. As I spend more and more days in the classroom I find that I hear the following words all too often: shut-up, stupid, fat, ugly, dumb, retarded (I take offence to this one on multiple levels), gay (completely unacceptable and, no, I do not believe you when you say you meant "happy"), idiot, lame etc. And here is the best part... these are kids talking to their friends. If I spoke to my friends that way I wouldn't have any... "Hi, Heather. Those pants make you look really fat and, by the way, shut-up, everything you have to say is lame." These kids are 13 years old. Where did they learn this behavior? Probably from some of the people that fall in to the above two categories. We are shaping young minds people; a little concentrated effort to shape them for the better would do us all a world of good.

You know, maybe you were one of the kids that was raised to think rudeness was okay.
Good for you. But, you are an adult now; someone who is capable of making rationale decisions. Change your attitude. Try helping someone. I would venture to say that the positive feeling you get from genuinely helping one person will change your tune instantly. At a loss as to what to do? Try one of these:

1. Hold the door for someone--even if they are 10 or 15 paces behind you.
2. Next to someone who dropped something? Pick it up for them.
3. Crossing the street with an elderly person? Match their pace so they don't feel so bad about taking an extra few minutes to make it across.

None of these will take more then 3 minutes out of your day but they might make someone else smile for a whole 5. It's worth it. Go forth and do good. Just saying.

If only I had better motor control...

2007-04-23T21:34:00.000-07:00

I could choose my own outfits...

Two Madisons and a Swingin' Ella

2007-03-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

Why hello there

Ella kickin' it at the park

Madison lookin' good

Why I love Wednesdays

2007-03-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

Wednesdays are the days that Daddies are at school until 10pm
Wednesdays are the days that babies are cranky
The days that Mommies need four arms
Oh what the heck... six
Wednesdays are the days that Cooper learns to be Houdini
The day that she frees herself from her kennel and pees on the rug
Wednesdays are the days that Ellas don't like to be set down... even for one second
Wednesdays are two poopy diapers for babies and 2.3 second bathroom trips for Mommies
Wednesdays are the days when babies nap for only 13 minutes.
When there are two hungry babies and only one Mommy

Wednesdays are the days that Madison learns to grab toys with her newly discovered hands
The day Ella gives Mommy a big gummy smile
Wednesdays are the days that Mommies get two babies all to themselves.

Wednesdays are good days.

Attention High School Seniors...

2007-02-27T21:27:00.000-08:00

My sister wanted to know if I could hang out with her during her spring break. I went on the UCR website to see when this alleged spring break was to occur. While on the website I gazed upon a face under the "Students Considering UCR" link.

If this is the kind of student thinking about attending UCR I would be hesitant to step on campus without a can of pepper spray and a high voltage tazer. Seriously, if you want students to come to your school don't use a picture of someone who looks like they commonly have Sunday dinner with the Unibomber and Hannibal Lecture.

That could have gone poorly...

2007-02-20T21:15:00.000-08:00

Ryan and I rarely celebrate Valentine's day on the 14th. This is because Ryan typically has class at night until 9:30pm. This year was no exception. As usual we celebrated the day after and I made all red food--our system has always been "red food and red wine, no gifts is fine." However, we do purchase cards for one another.

This year Ryan sent me a singing Valentine from the UCR Chamber Singers over the phone--very nice indeed. I on the other hand have always tried to find the most amusing (and occasionally inappropriate) card they offer at Target. This year I bought the card but could not locate it on Valentine's day. Ryan forgave me but I was still puzzled... where did this card go? Did it sprout cupid wings and fly away? What had become of it? Was it lying in the gutter discarded and alone? Should I send out a search party? Do Valentine's day cards have feelings? If so, does my Valentine's day card feel rejected and abandoned?

The thoughts of my poor valentine blown into the sewer system, sandwiched between an abandoned Mountain Dew and a stale moon pie haunted me for days. Then it hit me--at 12:30am Tuesday morning. The card must be in the Target bag with the baby bottles I purchased for our daycare provider. I woke Ryan up and made him promise to look in the bag before he dropped of the goods with Tracy. Thank goodness he did--the card was indeed safe inside the bag. I'm glad that it came to me at the last minute or the first day that our babies were in daycare could have been a little bit tense, "Um, yeah, the babies did great. They slept for two hours and had a couple of wet diapers each. Also... I hope those rug burns your wife gave you on V-day healed up well. You can hardly see the ones on your face anymore." Wonderful.

Baby Groupies

2007-02-14T00:59:00.000-08:00

Ella and Madison would like the world to know that the Shayna and the Bulldog show they attended over the weekend was the best live show they have ever been to. Okay, it is the only live show they have ever been too but that doesn't make it any less fabulous. Joel-C, we all enjoyed the show and look forward to our next foray into the world of music with you.

Breakfast in Bed

2007-02-12T11:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, after a long day and night of sleeping, pooping, eating and pooping some more, you just need to relax with a bottle in bed. Just saying.

Our Amazing Night in Bed

2007-02-01T21:08:00.000-08:00

Okay, get your head out of the gutter--this post is nothing but wholesome.

The babies have been doing fairly well on sleeping at night. Usually they go roughly one Dr. Doolittle and an episode of Emergency Vets (a.k.a. about three hours or so) in between feedings. On bad nights they only last about two Sponge Bob cartoons. However, last night... oh holy of all nights... they went one "Cats and Dogs", two "Good Boy!" showings and a "Charlotte's Web". That's right people, seven and one half hours of blissful, recuperative sleep!

When I got up to feed Madison I was shocked to see the alarm clock showing six o'clock. I woke up Ryan to tell him. He was so excited he got up... to check the woot-off. Apparently the slumber progress of our twin infants is only slightly more interesting then an 8 GB flash drive for $49.99.

A Toni Tribute

2007-01-30T18:52:00.000-08:00

Today is the day of Toni. The day that Toni graced the world with her presence. The day that Toni scored a perfect 10. In preparation for the day o' Toni's birth I did a little organization--something that Toni is a big fan of. The organization project that I took on was my very messy closet. Eight bags of clothes, three bags of shoes, one trip to Ikea and another to Goodwill later and this is what I ended up with:

Toni, thank you for inspiring me to be a cleaner person and Happy Birthday--to me you are a perfect 10 three hundred sixty five days a year!

P.S. Although May 9th is a ways away I also paided tribute to Tina today--I cleansed myself of clogs... four pair. Thank you for making me more fashionable Tina Phan.

No more midnight snacks...

2007-01-28T22:25:00.000-08:00

Last night Ryan and I attended a graduation party for Jessie Andersen that was f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c. The food was also wonderful and satisfying, however, seeing as Ella and Madison were screaming as if their world was ending, we were forced to make an early exit and I was unable to revisit the food area for a second round. As a result I was a little hungry at about 11:30 last night. Before I went to bed I had some ramen and a Sprite (hey--pickings were slim at the Scholz household). At about 4am the babies woke up to eat and I told Ryan about the crazy dream that I had had:

Ryan and I were dating, although I was fully aware of the fact that we would get married and have twin girls. Ryan was mad at me and said, al-la Ross Geller, that he wanted to take a break. I said okay and, about a week later, while stocking our snack shack (yes, we owned and operated a snack shack at an outdoor amphitheater), I asked him if we could talk about it. Ryan got REALLY mad and said he couldn't look at me or he was going to lose it.

Of course he decided to look at me and proceeded to throw things (including knifes) at me. I knew that the only way to escape was to join the cast of the show going on in the amphitheater. Actually, it was more of a competition--men were supposed to dance with really odd looking women for as long as possible. The man who lasted the longest won. I joined the show as man (and no one batted an eye--great) and was paired with a woman named Lorena. Lorena was fairly normal looking... except for the penis growing out of the left side of her face. Oh-yes--a penis. And to top it off there was a little snake head poking out of the end of the penis that kept weaving from side to side and sticking its tongue out at me. Wonderful.

I finally escaped the amphitheater and, all of sudden, was at my family's house on the night before my wedding. Of course my family was Mexican, I had more brothers and sisters then I could count and I was not marrying Ryan. Of course. Also, I had decided to back out of my wedding but my family was still planning on holding the reception (to which I would wear my wedding dress) because they had already paid for the hall and all the food. Excellent idea.

After the wedding my Mom said I could just come back and sleep in my old room (which had four twin beds in it--I told you I had a lot of siblings). I convinced my Mom to let me stay in the honeymoon suite at the hotel because it was already paid for. The reason I wanted to stay in the honeymoon suite you may ask? Penis-snake face Lorena was staying in the same hotel and we were going to hang out.

After I arrived at the hotel I realized that Lorena was in the hospital wing (yes, this hotel had a hospital attached to it) because she was having her reptile/man-part removed. I went to visit her and found her missing from her room. I instantly knew that she has been killed by "them" (the infamous them were never fully revealed to me in my dream so I cannot elaborate... I know you are crushed). I also knew that, if I didn't move quickly, "they" would come for me as well. This is where Ryan, no longer crazy or at all mad that I was about to marry another man, came back into the dream. We ran into a cab and tried to make our escape.

About five minutes down the road I saw Lorena's Dad wandering the street. Yes, although I had never met the man, I instantly knew he was Lorena's father (pretty good considering he didn't even have a tell-tale penis growing out of his left cheek). I asked the cab driver to stop so I could warn him that someone was coming to kill him. The cab driver did stop but then... dun-dun-dun... he locked the doors to the cab and shot Lorena's father. HE WAS ONE OF THEM! Not knowing what to do, but knowing that staying put would result in our eminent death, Ryan and I fought to escape. No such luck! The cabbie took us to the desert where there was a large semi-truck cargo bin waiting. Inside there were flats and flats of... lemons. He handed us a flat of oranges and shoved us inside. He told us that the fruit was sitting in the desert for a week to ripen. We would only have the oranges to tide us over (seeing as humans cannot eat lemons in Brittaney's dream world) until they came to move the fruit to market. He explained that the oranges would not be enough and we would die before they came to pick up the fruit. He closed the door to the cargo bin and... Ella woke me up to tell me she was hungry. Alas, we will never know if Ryan and I made it out of the storage bin... but I do know that high sodium foods and soda are probably a no-no from now on.

Eavesdropping on Strangers: Grammar (In)correction

2007-01-26T20:08:00.000-08:00

Warning: Toni and Grant, I am afraid that this post may put you into cardiac arrest... read on with caution.

Today I was at Target. Let me just say that, when it comes to eavesdropping, Target has proved to be the mother ship.

This little encounter occurred between a mother and her 5 year old daughter.

Daughter: Mom, I really want you to come look at this shirt. I just saw it over there.
Mother: I just seen it over there.
Daughter: Oh, sorry... I just seen it over there.

If children are the future, this little child is the future student of remedial English. Good times.

Why I'm mad at my Mommy: A guest post by Ella Meyer

2007-01-24T23:05:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, my parents may post pictures of my sister, Madison, and I. They may claim that they love us both equally. To this I say--LIES! Why do I say this you may ask? I make this claim because I have been getting the short end of the stick lately and I'm convinced it is not an accident. May I present my case:

1. Mommy was putting me in the car seat the other day and "accidentally" bumped my head on the handle. Madison went into her car seat unscathed.

2. Daddy cut my fingernails last night and clipped my perfectly good thumb tip off. Please see photographic evidence below. Madison was happily eating at the time and was not subjected to any nail cutting--let alone fingertip decapitation.

3...and this is where it all became clear to me... Mommy was trying to be "nice" by carrying me around in the baby Bjorn while Madison took a nap. It was all a very pleasant, parent-baby bonding experience until my eyes started to burn and my world went blurry. Seriously Mom, you could have picked a better time to chop an onion.

I know parents say they don't have a favorite but I would like to take this moment to say that my parents are no such guardians. They love my sister more--of this I am convinced. Now I don't even feel bad about kicking her in the head for 9 months.

Love, Ella Meyer

Oops...

2007-01-22T21:35:00.000-08:00

This is why I refuse to cut the babies' nails. Daddy says he is sorry Ella.

Three Fun Things...

2007-01-19T13:56:00.000-08:00

Now that I stay at home with babies my life has taken a very domestic turn. Because of this, I haven't had much to blog about. I mean, I know all of my loyal fans are interested in things like spit-up, long nights and unbelievable large quantities of poop (seriously, how does that much volume come out of someone so small?), but I have decided not to post about such interesting occurrences. Therefore, I have been shy of material... until today. Today I have three fun things to share:

1. Ryan and I have been searching for daycare and, completely by accident, we stumbled upon the scariest childcare establishment in all of Northern California. Why scary you may ask? Oh--let me share with you:

This establishment, which will go unnamed, was located in a rather sketchy part of town... right down the street from a KFC where three cop cars were parked. Perhaps they were just fueling up with some fried chicken goodness you might say. Um, not unless buying chicken requires blazing lights and hand-cuffs, just saying. Also, the center was located in a converted house--the kind of house you would not go trick or treating at if you catch my drift. The paint was pealing, the bushes were over grown, the "grass" was a nice shade of brown and the I'm pretty sure the neighbors had bars on their windows. Intrigued? Well, if you go looking for this childcare center you may not be able to find it. This is because they have no sign... that is an actual sign. Instead they have their name and advertisements like, "Infant Programs!" and "Open Enrollment!" painted on the windows in poor handwriting with blue paint. As if this was not enough they also shared a fence with a Quickie Mart behind them. Awesome.

2. SPAM is fun. I have been clearing out my spam folder lately and occasionally I stop to read some of the messages I get. Besides the fact that I am a Walmart giftcard winner at least 12 times a day I have also been offered the opportunity to get my college degree and become a certified police officer! Whew-hew! To think that I was contemplating staying at home with the babies when I could be an educated women of the law that spends her free time on shopping sprees at Wally-World!

3. Perhaps the best little bit of news that I have to share with you all today... this morning I put on... oh wonderful day of days... a pair of jeans that had nether an elastic waist nor a full panel of spandex. No one shall know the glory of this day until they have spent months of their life in the same pair of pants. Pants that were worn so much, and stretched so far, that the sides actually had to be resewn. Today I say goodbye to you my faithful, full paneled friend. We had some good times together and I will miss you. May you rest in peace beside the empire waist shirts and extra-large underwear of days gone by.

Welcome Babies!

2006-12-11T16:45:00.000-08:00

Madison and Ella (a.k.a. Danny and Arnold) have finally arrived!

December 6, 2006
Madison Jade Meyer; 12:34am; 5lb 12oz; 19 1/4 inches
Ella Joy Meyer; 12:36am; 6lb 13oz; 20 3/4 inches

Proving that they are stubborn, just like Mom and Dad, Madison and Ella arrived after 24 hours of labor. Madison was a little stressed out towards the end but I don't really blame her-- I mean, if you were continually squeezed for 20+ hours I think you would be a little distressed too. Kaiser put her up at the best accommodation available--the Kaiser Morse NICU. After a few days she was able to come home and join her sister.

Both girls are doing well. They are eating and pooping machines--which I hear is just how babies are supposed to be. :) Dad is doing well after a brief dizzy spell in the labor and delivery room... apparently Ryan can't handle epidurals...even when they are not being given to him. Once his color returned he once again resumed the role of coach and has since traded in that hat for one of an excellent, attentive Dad. I am doing well also and am amazed every time I look at the twins and think about the fact that they both used to fit IN me. Very strange indeed.

After a brief scare that the hospital might accidentally switch our babies I am reassured that they are indeed ours. As proof you only have to look at their chins--which have tiny little clefts in them that are decidedly from Dad--or listen to their breathing--which is continually interrupted by very loud hiccups that sound just like Mom. :)

Fun at the ER

2006-11-24T23:12:00.000-08:00

My sister, Gabrielle, predicted that we would be in the hospital the day before Thanksgiving. She figured this would be perfect timing as it was the day most likely to disturb her turkey eating plans. It turns out that Gabrielle was correct; Ryan and I did indeed spend some time in a hospital Wednesday night. However, it was not for babies, in fact, it was not for humans at all. Ryan and I spent a few hours at the emergency vet for our dog Cooper. Why you may ask? Well, it began with a fetish and ended with what I can only imagine to be a painful experience (Don't worry, Cooper is fine). Here is the story...

Cooper is a lab puppy. Lab puppies like to eat things. Ayla, our older dog likes to wear pretty dog collars. Cooper likes to eat pretty dog collars. As a result, Ayla was going through about a collar a week and eventually, as Cooper's skill level increased, a collar a day.

To save Ayla from the torture of having her neck dragged around on a regular basis we invested in a spiked collar. It seemed a good choice, Cooper's chewing fetish was deterred and Ayla was no worse for the wear (although she did look deceivingly tough). This plan worked for about two months. However, the appeal of the collar was eventually too much for Cooper to resist.

We returned home on Wednesday evening to find two happy dogs--only one of them wearing a collar. Ryan searched high and low for the missing collar but could only find the buckle end. We couldn't believe that Cooper would eat spikes (how crazy could she be?) but we took her to the emergency vet just in case. Needless to say the technicians found her quite amusing and they thoroughly enjoyed her x-ray--which showed 13 triangular spikes floating amidst the kibble in her stomach.

The doctor was able to get 12 of the 13 spikes out by forcing Cooper to revisit the meal she had just ingested but one of the spikes stubbornly refused to be removed. It looks like that one would have to come out the old fashioned way. Seeing as excrement is not safe for the handling of pregnant women (oh darn) Ryan was put on "spike hunting" duty (no pun intended) for a couple of days. Luckily, his hunting was not in vain because, as of this evening, Ryan successfully located his prey and Cooper is officially spike-free.

I'm not sure if they have a 12-step program for Cooper's addiction but until we find a better (and less painful) cure than a spike collar Ayla will just have to rely on her microchip and do without.

THE INFAMOUS SPIKE

A message for babies...

2006-11-19T23:20:00.000-08:00

Just in case Arnold and Danny were confused about what their next move should be... I spelled it out for them with Raisinets. Just saying.

24 hours of fun!

2006-11-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

I have a story for you all, but first--my apologies to all that read my blog. Although I have been on maternity leave for about two weeks I have still been slacking on my posting. On the plus side, you should all be getting a much overdue thank you note soon as I finally had time for those.

On to my story... Ryan and I went to our 34th week appointment in Davis a few days ago. Everything went fine, the girls (yes, both still girls) looked good and their heartrates were identical (136 BPM). Anyway, it seemed like a pretty standard appointment until the doctor hit me with this one on her way out the door.

Doctor: It looks like both babies are in a great position to be born naturally, you shouldn't have any trouble. [pause] I should warn you though that once the first baby comes out the other one [interrupted by Brittaney--I'm so rude]

B: May turn?

Doctor: Well, yes, that and also you sometimes have to restart labor to encourage them to make their way into position in the birth canal. You know, sometimes it can be up to 12 hours between twins. They could have different birthdays! [big smile and she exits]

EXCUSE ME! I did not sign up for two 12 hour labors! I mean, twins. Sure. Two babies coming out on the same day. I have come to terms with that one. Two babies needing to be fed. Check. Two babies needing to have their diapers changed. Ryan prepare yourself. I mean, I thought I had it all figured out and then she hits me with 12 hours in between Danny and Arnold! I'm sorry but that just is NOT happening.

To ease my fears of 12 hours in stirrups and a drafty hospital gown I decided to do a little research and figure out how common this really is. I was able to find a few resources, none of which mentioned this 12 hour nonsense, thank you very much. For instance, Robin Elise Weiss, a doula practicing since 1989, states that:

"The average time between the birth of the first and second baby is generally about 17 minutes."

I like Robin Elise Weiss.

I mean, I am even willing to take one for the team and be on the high end of the average. I'm up for a good nineteen minutes! However, I will not sit passively by for 12 hours. I mean, Dr. 2x4 (long story) reach in there and PULL HER OUT!

Arnold and I have been having some talks lately. I have informed her that a 12 hour layover in utero is not acceptable. I think she understands what is expected of her and I am fully confident that she will do her part to hold up her end of the bargain. Sure, some of you may think I'm being a little tough, she is only a fetus after all, but seriously, Arnold is going to have to learn at some point that when Mommy says, "time to go," she means, NOW.

No on pinkie toes

2006-10-01T15:52:00.000-07:00

As campaigners come by my house in support and opposition of various propositions I have began to think about a few propositions of my own. Foremost in my mind is a "No on Pinkie Toes" proposition. I mean, who needs them? They are an odd shape and, as I get older, mine just keep on snuggling up to my fourth toe in hopes of making a new friend. Not cute. Also, no matter what nail polish color you choose they just look like a short,stubby, bald man after a pedicure. Again, not cute. However, what has really put me on board with the "No Pinkie Toe" band wagon is pregnancy. As my belly increases (and increases and increases) in size it has become more and more difficult for me to put on items of clothing that reside below the waist. For example, to put on pants I must sit down, spread the pants in front of me and test my foot eye coordination as I try to shoot my leg into the suspended hole of a pant leg. Good times. Where does the pinkie toe come in you ask? Well, let me tell you... although pants are difficult, underwear is harder. Because they are much shorter than pants I can not use the above method of dress. Instead I am forced to hang thing from my index finger, dangle them towards the ground, simulate the best forward bend I can muster and loop them over my foot. Great visual, I know. Anyway, I have become quite good at my underwear technique, however, my pinkie toes continuously try to thwart my efforts. The little buggers refuse to go in the leg hole. Instead they dangle over the edge and hang on for dear life. The result? An angry pregnant lady hopping around on one leg while cursing the pinkie toe that forsakes her. So to all of you loyal voters I say, if a write in is available to you... VOTE NO ON PINKIE TOES!

Why my students are awesome...

2006-09-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at school I was walking around class helping students with their work. One of my students stopped me and I thought that he needed a little help. It turns out he just wanted to pay me an awesome compliment...

Student: "Hey, Mrs. M! (in a lowered voice) I just wanted to tell you that you look really nice. I mean, I know a lot of pregnant women think they look bad but I just wanted to let you know that you look really pretty."

My students are the awesomeest. Just saying.

Grandma is a frequent flyer...

2006-09-07T15:41:00.000-07:00

Today I took off work a little early to make it to my ultrasound appointment. As fate would have it, I pulled up behind a little green Acura on Howe Avenue. Seeing as the line of cars was stretching into eternity, I took the opportunity to take a look around and enjoy my time with my fellow drivers. Upon inspection of the green Acura in front of me I noticed a metal decal stuck to the trunk. It read, "MILE HIGH CLUB-Denver." I laughed and glanced up at the driver, fully expecting to find a twenty-something male wearing a tee shirt adorned with some semblance of Greek letters--I was brutally rebuffed. In the drivers seat there was none other than a grandma in her mid to late sixties, sporting a "set it for a week and forget it" hair style and some rockin' progressive tint shades that were roughly the size of two ripe grapefruits. Ahh, how others can surprise us. I give props to Granny though... way to keep warm on your way to chilly Colorado in the dead of winter!

Weekend Warriors

2006-09-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I decided to take the "labor" part of labor day weekend to heart by rolling up our sleeves and going HGTV on Arnold and Danny's future room. As you can see, the results were not half bad. Although A&D will probably never remember what their first room looked like Ryan and I, and Scott (thanks for the help), will forever remember the fun times that cutting chair rail can be.

Disclaimer: Although my shirts SAYS that I enjoy drinking alcohol on a regular basis I actually do nothing of the sort... in fact I didn't even drink alcohol before I had a pair of feti in me. Also, for all of those concerned, I did sport a super cool respirator while painting so as not to intoxicate Arnold and Danny with paint fumes.

An unrealized prospect...

2006-08-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, or are about to find out, I stumbled upon a startling realization early in my pregnancy: If the twins turned out to be boys I, Brittaney Danelle Meyer, would have more penises than anyone else in the room. I guess, seeing as I am frequently in rooms where I do not intimately know everyone, that this could occasionally fail to be true... but I digress. The point here is that I would have definitely beat Ryan out, and any day that I can win a debate between the two of us is, in my book, a very good day. However, I am sorry to say, in a not at all disappointed way, that this is a dream I may never realize because, as it turns out, Arnold and Danny (Uncle Joel-C has assured us that the nicknames are here to stay) are indeed of the female persuasion. I must say, although I am sad to see my potential "winner" title go, I am very excited for two little girls. First of all, they will be the only Houx girls (Joy's side of the family) in their generation thus far and, even if they go back two generations, they only have to share the title with their Auntie Kyla. And, although I have lost the penis battle with my spouse I am winning the gender one by a landslide. Poor Ryan will have only Wendel the turtle to do some male bonding with in this house because Ayla, Cooper, Annabelle, Arnold, Danny and I are firmly planted on the "girl power" side of the fence. :)

Proof Reading...

2006-07-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

Today I received another "Your Pregnancy This Week" email from the babyzone. I do enjoy them as they show pictures of what your little fetus or, in my case, feti look like during the current week. They also give you a little update on what is going on developmentally. Although this section may provide their readers with some valuable information, it is not always done in the most eloquent way:

What's Going on with Your Baby?
Your bun in the oven is "half-baked!" All the pieces are there and, if it's a girl, she's growing her vagina this week!

Apparently, if Arnold and Danny are of the female persuasion they are currently semi-stoned and growing some rocking reproductive organs. Sweet.

Spa Babies...

2006-07-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

The other day I went to get a prenatal massage at Mellow Me Out Day Spa in Sacramento. It was wonderful, but I digress. In the middle of my massage I felt this weird sensation. Was it gas? Did my raisin bran not agree with me? But no, it was... baby feet! I'm not sure if it was Arnold or Danny but someone was really enjoying the relaxation. Either that or they were saying, "Um... this is cool and all but, to be completely honest, these weird pillows with a hole in the middle are a little strange and we would like to get out of here." Anyway, I was so excited that I wanted to share my new discovery. Unfortunately, I was naked, face down on a table and was currently being rubbed with oil by a stranger. Therefore, I had to hold it in until I was safely back at home and could call Ryan. Although you cannot feel them on the OUTSIDE of my ever increasing belly quite yet, that day will surely come and, no matter how grossed out you are, I will probably make you all feel it. What am I saying "probably" for, I will DEFINITELY make you feel it. I mean, lets be honest. Last night I talked about breast feeding at dinner and then made Gabrielle's boyfriend, Ryan, feel my rock hard stomach... forget ab machines--just get pregnant! It is way less work and you can eat as much ice cream as you want... or at least that's what I keep telling Ryan.

P.S. I would like to take a moment to apologize to my Heather. I usually tell her everything BEFORE I blog about it, however, we are both out of town at the moment and I totally forgot to mention it earlier on the phone. I'm a bad person...but I am coming to terms with it.

BBQing in the Summer

2006-07-16T19:49:00.000-07:00

It is a common pastime for many a family. Fire up the BBQ and grill something delish for dinner. Ryan decided to BBQ the other day... unfortunatly it occurred IN our house and happened while we weren't home. No need to worry, nothing caught fire and all that was permenently damaged was a 1.5 quart pot that now resides at the bottom of the garbage can. He started out with good intentions. Ryan took all of the scraps from the steak he cut up for the actual BBQ and was boiling it down to make soup stock for another night. Unfortunaly, he forgot that it was on the stove when he left for Cooper's puppy class and I was not home to remind him. The end result... a VERY smoky house (I couldn't see the ceiling when I walked in) and one very scared black dog. Poor Ayla was inside the whole hour and a half we were gone. Ryan left her in so that she could stay cool so she was present for the entire catastrophe. Poor Ayla, who, for those of you that now her, is a scidish dog anyway, had to endure blaring fire alarms and A LOT of smoke. In fact, as Ryan approached the house he realized what he had done (you could smell it from the street) so he parked, ran, unlocked the door and ran towards the kitchen. On his run in all he saw was a black streak run the other way and out the door. She hung out on the front lawn until the smoke detecors had settled down. Our house smelled like the turkey leg stand at the state fair for about a five days but it has really cleared up (partially due to the Costco sized bag of baking soda that has been spread everywhere and vacuumed up--I love you Dyson). Ryan will not be delving into anymore new culinary experiences in the near future. :)

Um... there are two in there

2006-07-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I went for our 16-week appointment yesterday and I am happy to report that both babies look fantastic. This was our first appointment with the doctor, we had seen our NP and a radiologist previously. She started out by telling us all about the 20-week radiology appointment where they can tell you the sex of your baby and then about how she was going to listen to the baby's heartbeat with a moniter. The BABY. Singular. I'm thinking... unless one fell out along the way I am pretty sure there are two in there still. Ryan was thinking the same thing because he (very politely) asked, "How can you tell the difference between the two heartbeats on the monitor?" (it looks like a little kids radio with a microphone on it). I'm sure she gets lame questions like that all the time but she very politely responded with, "Well, the baby's heartbeat is much faster than hers (indicating me)." At this point Ryan had to say that he meant the two BABY'S heartbeats. I think we caught her a little off guard. I felt bad actually but it all worked out okay. Turns out they have a new computer system that doesn't print multiple births on the front of the chart anymore. We were able to see the babies on ultrasound. Turns out you can't tell the difference with sound, you have to visually inspect each heartbeat. Anyway, they look good and are moving around like crazy... life should be fun once I can FEEL them poking me day and night. :) The higher up baby was getting a little frisky and kept kicking their sibling in the head. The doctor said that it won't hurt them and that they probably don't even feel it. Good thing too or that kicking baby would have hell to pay when they finally get out of there and "payback" can begin. :)

One big cat out of the bag

2006-06-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I have officially announced the impending birth of our twins to all that matter. Sorry to those of you reading this who have yet to hear the news, guess you know where you fall on our "important" list. Anyway, my point here is that it is officially okay for you to post about it on your MySpace page (you know who you are... Gabrielle) or shout it from the roof-tops because it is a "secret" no more. I use the term "secret" in a general sense of course, seeing as 90% of the world seemed to have found out the very next day anyway.

If you are wondering how Ryan and I broke the news to my family... we waited until the most opportune moment... right when they all had food in their mouths at dinner. I believe the announcement went a little something like, "So, anyone who would like to come to my graduation dinner on Wednesday at 6:45 is more than welcome... oh, yeah, I'm pregnant." Hey, we couldn't stand up for an "announcement" or they all would have seen it coming. I always find that the blind-side is so much more effective.

In other news, I created a very awkward moment for my cousin Erica during a recent first date with a gentleman named Chris. Really, are we shocked? And I finished my first year of teaching; which means I am currently writing this post in the middle of day because I am officially on summer VACA! Also, if I use the word "officially", or one more set of quotations in this post I am going to "officially" kick myself in the butt. Just sayin.

Netflixing into my soul...

2006-04-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

Today I found a new feature on netflix. Apparently, you can rate genres and netflix will calculate a list of over 200 reccomended titles. I would like to assure you that this is no joke... netflix can really peer into your soul! This point was made clear to me when #2 on my "Your ratings suggest you might enjoy these titles much more than most people," was none other than Dr. Dolittle 2!!!! I love you netflix, deep, deep down in my talking-animal loving soul.

Well, if Diane Lane is doing it...

2006-04-03T21:04:00.000-07:00

This evening, while channel surfing, I came across "Everwood" on the WB (OK...so I was really watching "Seventh Heaven"--it's the Camden's final season!) and low and behold, they cited the Diane Lane movie we have all come to know and love... Must Love Dogs. The father was joining an online dating services and his justification? "Diane Lane is doing it so it can't be that bad." Until I heard it straight from the mouth of a WB neurosurgeon the thought had never crossed my mind... If Diane Lane is doing it must be a good idea! In that regard, I have decided to quit my job, divorce my husband and buy a delapadated mansion in Tuscany. Caio!

Stick your finger in my mouth and I'll kill you...what?

2006-03-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so that is really two stories...

Story one:

Ryan and I were at IKEA a few weeks ago and I had a close encounter of a different kind. Seeing as IKEA is new to all of us West Sacramentonians, confusion runs rampant. Apparently, a woman was trying to direct her friend towards the checkout area and as she turned to point, that's right, she stuck her finger in her mouth. IN MY MOUTH! Oh well, at least I won't have to wonder if the Swedish meatballs are any good or not... what?

Story Two:

I killed Heather on Saturday. Okay, so my murder mystery character, Jackqui, killed her sister, Mariella, who was Heather's character...it sounded so much more dramatic the other way. Anyway, as fun as the murder mystery party was it was very difficult to hate my Heather. I mean, she's my Heather! How can you hate that angelic little face framed by beautiful blonde hair and an unexpected, yet highly lovable, sweep of bangs? I love my Heather, just sayin.

And I quote...

2006-02-28T11:30:00.000-08:00

My Grandma Kate and John went to the movies the other day and she had this to say about it in her most recent email:

"John and I saw the movie EIGHT BELOW the other day. Very good movie and based on a true story."

That's right, people! Eight Below! Let's here it for dog movies that not only keep us riveted at the edge of our seats, but allow us to leave the theater with a warm fuzzy feeling that only a Disney animal film can provide!

In other dog related news... I am home from work today and, apparently, this neighborhood is a very sad place for canines during the week. As I sit at my computer in the dining room I am currently listening to no less than four dogs howling for some human companionship (and a maybe a little bit of extra kibble).

To the dogs of Eight Below and Molokai Road... I love you.

Werner Meyer-Scholz

2006-02-07T12:23:00.000-08:00

Here is to a good dog, with a big heart, whom I had the pleasure of talking to on a regular basis. I love you, Werner.

Single again...

2006-02-04T20:39:00.000-08:00

Well, for the night anyway...Ryan is off having a fun "boys only" weekend with my family in South Lake Tahoe. I'm sure that he is either: a. Drinking, b. Gambling or c. Drinking and gambling right now. Anyway, seeing as I don't have any external genatalia, I was left at home and have been trying to occupy my time accordingly. Here's what I did today during my wild 24 hours of alone time:
1. Got up
2. Read a book
3. Decided item #1 was a decision made in hast and went back to bed
4. Got up (again)
5. Had some Special K (the one with the red berries--surprisingly satisfying)
6. Took a shower
7. Cashed in $131.50 worth of coins at the bank. (I got to put my shoebox o' coins in a cool bullet proof box--reason #127 that I'm glad we are moving--and felt a sudden rush of relief that they didn't stick the bomb squad on me when I initially came in with the tattered shoebox)
8. Walked around the mall to find a gift for my Heather. (Was going for the "I'm so cool that I shop alone" look but ended up with the "I have epilepsy" look because I kept retracing my steps to have a second look at certain items and actually left and then returned to a store within a 30 second period)
9. Came home and watched "Jack"--the Saturday movie on channel 4.
10. Cried at the end of "Jack" and then looked up Progeria online to see if I could make a donation.
11. Shut my computer off in horror when I found out that you can develop adult onset Progeria in your mid to late twenties.
12. Went and bought packing paper.
13. Packed the guest room.
14. Exhausted from all my alone time I took a nap.
15. Slept right through the sneak preview of "Eight Below"--Disney's new heartwrenching tale of a man and his special bond with his sled dogs.
16. Kicked myself
17. Sat down to blog about my fun-filled single life.

Thank God that I have Ryan. Just sayin.

Bus-riding-B*&%$-Buying-Bourbon

2006-01-24T21:17:00.000-08:00

I would like to say that, for the most part, I am a fairly understanding person. Need a helping hand? I'll do what I can. But, I will say that what I will rarely do is give money to people outside of businesses. The story that follows is a prime example of why this is a good habit to keep...

I was on my way into Long's last night when I was approached by an "interesting" woman who asked me for money to catch the bus. (Tangent: I find this new "bus fare" angle interesting... especially when there is no bus stop within four city blocks) Needless to say, I said, "Sorry, but no." Not giving the exchange much further thought, I went inside and scoured the isles for contact paper and index cards. About ten minutes later I was in the check out line when, who should pop into line behind me, but Mrs. hard-up-for-bus-fare. What was she in line for you ask? Some reading material for her long trip on Sacramento City Transit? Oh-no. She was buying a large bottle of bourbon with a wrinkled stack of ones. It is amazing to me that people's actions can still baffle me this much after 25 years.

Fun at the Ball

2006-01-22T16:36:00.000-08:00

Four fellow Ropsheyer's looking smokin'

Ryan taking a special shot on Tina's camera

Brittaney and Ryan

Too cool for school

2006-01-21T19:50:00.000-08:00

Ryan, Tina, Joel-C and I had a great time at the McGeorge Barrister's Ball last night in Sacramento. I would have to say that my favorite part was watching Joel-C and his fellow 3rd year hipsters do their own version of YMCA... complete with Village People costumes. Awesome.

For those of you looking for pictures of the "Ryan and Brittaney" variety... they are to come in the future--our camera had a little problem with the low lighting so we are dependent on Tina for the goods.

2005 goes out with a smack

2006-01-08T10:15:00.000-08:00

Although this post is a little late, I would like to say that this New Year's Eve may rank as #1 out of 25. Here is why:

10. Nursing Ryan back to health after a wine-filled evening o' fun (okay, so maybe that shouldn't have made the "best of" list...)
9. Seeing Ryan's nipple on film
8. Receiving a thoughtful gift from Joel-C that was neither Pez nor a magazine dedicated to carnivorous twenty-somethings.
7. Dancing the night away with the forty and over crowd in P-town (I am a little jealous that no inebriated, sweaty men caressed my butt on the dance floor... uhhh, JK)
6. Stomping through foliage at 12:30pm to find a (non-existent) geocache. (Sorry that your introduction to the hobby had such a poor outcome, Tina. Too bad the geocache was not an empty Coors can because I found a boatload of those)
5. Wondering what Phil was doing.
4. Singing our "Ode to Josh and Toni--version 2.005
3. Eating a delicious meal prepared by none other than Heather Marie Andersen Ropsheyer-Shellen
2. Hangin' with the Ropsheyer's (seriously, could it get any better)

and... as if there as any doubt what #1 would be...

1. Saying goodbye to 2005 while listening to the soothing sounds of Sir-mix-a-lot and a little "Baby got Back" (Put that in your pipe and smoke it little Miss Ellie-White-House)

Thanks, but no thanks

2005-12-23T23:23:00.000-08:00

Winter-break, Day 2:

Ryan and I celebrated our Chirstmas today before we packed the car and embarked on the Meyer-Scholz whirl wind holiday tour. Ryan gave me an awesome sweater and some equally cool bath products (props to him for embracing his gift wrapping shortcomings and purchasing something prewrapped). I returned the favor with two of Ryan's favorite T-shirts and a new hat for the snowy ski adventures to come. Although I am sure that Ryan will enjoy the new items in the future, today will not be the day. Ryan admired and folded his gifts and then opted for shorts, flip-flops (note: we are currently in Twain Harte... where it snows) and the UCDavis T-shirt I bought in high school after receiving my acceptance letter. To make it even better, the shirt now has two holes on the chest suspiciously close to both nipples. Awesome.

See you in two weeks Mr. Alarm Clock

2005-12-22T17:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, that is right, it is officially winter-break and I am thrilled to report that I have already taken an hour and half nap. Whew-hew! Although this break has only just begun I am anticipating nothing short of "fabulous" (thanks for that Josh) and I am coming to realize that, not matter how many teenagers inevitably cursed me behind my back over the past four months, it was all worth it. Here's to two weeks without an alarm clock or any definative plan what-so-ever (oh, who are we kidding, I'll probably draw up an itinerary).

Love, B

Evesdropping on Strangers: Fun with Families

2005-12-14T21:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this one wasn't so much evesdropping as much as, "being present and having ears," but I digress...

This little episode begins at a local resturant... Ryan and I were having dinner to celebrate the end of the semester/quarter for each of us and our respective programs when what should we hear but a crying (bawling is more like it) woman scream, "This is the rudest resturant I have ever been to!" This little outburst was followed by a retirement-age man and woman at a neighboring table yelling, "Well, maybe if you weren't so rude there wouldn't have been a problem!" The crying woman's husband started laying into the old man (with some kind of "control your wife" comment) and a second woman a yet another table started yelling, "He's just a baby! He's just a baby!" Confused yet? Because I sure as heck was. Here's what Ryan and I were able to piece together.

The baby was fussing while Mom and Dad were trying to eat. To give the baby something to do they gave him a spoon to bang on his metal highchair top. This was very irritating to the neighboring two tables. Table one being the retired couple, a mother-in-law and a daughter. The second table involved being a table for two in the corner. Apparently, table two started commenting on the noise and yelled across the room to take the spoon away and keep it down (Brittaney's advice: Take the spoon away). Ignoring table two Mom and Dad let the baby keep the spoon. Table one chimed in in support of table two. Mom and Dad got into it with table two and Dad talked to the man at table two outside (Seriously, just take the spoon away). Later, the noise continued and table one (or two... who really knows at this point) asked the management to do something (PEOPLE--JUST TAKE THE SPOON AWAY!). The manager asked Mom and Dad to take away the noisy spoon and that is when the crying outburst began.

Okay, so maybe not so exciting when you are reading about it but let me tell you--my blood was pumping! I guess the best part was right at the end when the crotchity woman from table one yelled, "I feel sorry for any baby that is being raised that way!" Good times with the retired set on a Tuesday night.

Honestly, keep your child-rearing comments (and your metal spoons) to yourself and we will all have a more pleasant evening for it.

Oh, what the heck!

2005-12-13T18:34:00.000-08:00

I figured, if everyone else was going to post a picture of their tree, why the heck shouldn't I? Granted, it's a little smaller than everyone else's tree but Ryan is smaller than everyone else's husband and look how much fun he is! Merry Christmas!

Matter will move from high pressure to low pressure... darn it

2005-11-20T21:53:00.000-08:00

As some of you may know, my husband Ryan and our friend Josh make vino in our garage. The whole set-up has really evolved into a complex process over the years and this year it grew even more... by about 2000 pounds to be exact.

This go round of wine-making began with 2800 pounds of fine Napa grown grapes. Unfortuantly, for Ryan, Josh and all of their willing consumers, the Fiasco Brother's Winery is down about 105 pounds as of last Thursday. Unfortunatly, for Brittaney the lost 105 pounds is all over the floor of the garage. Great.

You see, even with two science degrees and some advanced degree schooling under out belts Ryan and I were still unable to figure out that if you unscrew the cap on a cracked carboy of wine the pressure change might cause bad things to happen. To make a long story short... one loud pop and a flying piece of glass later Ryan and I were left standing in a sea of wine sludge that quickly spread across the garage floor. Yeah wine making!

I guess you can say that Ryan and Josh are living up to the winery name because it was a fiasco of epic proportions indeed.

Evesdropping on Strangers: Safeway After Dark

2005-11-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

Normally, I frequent our local Safeway between the hours of 5pm and 8pm. Brave be the soul who travel there after eight o'clock at night. Last night Ryan and I braved the isles at a little afer nine and let me say... what a trip.

In front of us was quite the trio. Three girls, around 20 years of age, two of them together and the other one behind them in line. The single girl asked one of the pair if she went to Capitol (which I looked up... it is an independent study high school in Sacramento). Yes she did.

Come to find out the single girl (who I will refer to as "fakie" as she had a very fake tan and some suspiciously fake looking breasts) just graduated and was "sort of" going to college. The girl from the pair (who I will refer to as "womb for rent"... more on that later) had graduated from Capitol a few years ago. Fakie was buying some frozen peas, so was Womb for Rent (WFR)--WFR was going to eat hers, fakie was going to put them on her boyfriends black eye--awesome.

But wait, there's more... come to find out that WFR had married her high school "sweetheart" (I use the term loosely) because their senior year, after havig a huge fight with WFR, he got in an accident and totaled the other driver' car. Their respective parents forbid them from seeing each other after the incident and, seeing as they were 18 already, they decided to get hitched instead. Fakie's response to the story, "Yeah, sometimes parents can be so stupid. Like they could stop you from seeing someone you had been with for, like (pause for effect) YEARS." Uh-huh.

Even better, WFR had a daughter with Mr. Car Accident (MCA) and currently stayed home with her daughter even though they were essentially destitute. How poor were they you ask? MCA had a full ride to Davis on an academic scholarship but dropped out because gas was too expensive. Yeah, he sounds like someone smart enough for college.

But on to the kicker. To make money WFR is going to be a surragate mother starting next month, which makes me wonder, how desperate are people? I mean, I would rather grow mine in a test tube, that's all I'm saying.

Anyway, to conclude, Safeway after dark: Good place to find a gallon of milk, bad place to find a sense of hope in the future of mankind. Just saying.

Fun with Joel-C

2005-10-18T18:49:00.000-07:00

Need I say more.

I miss Heather

2005-10-05T21:26:00.000-07:00

So, last Saturday Ryan and I attended "the wedding of the fall." I must say... IT WAS AWESOME! Congratulations to Heather and Grant (look for a best of wedding list to come--a little preview... amazing first dance H&G)! Okay, on to the point... on Sunday Heather and Grant left for their amazing Rome honeymoon (a little jelous and mature enough to admit it). Therefore, in the past three and a half days I have been going through Heather withdrawls. I have no one to call on my ride home (except Ryan but, seriously, it's not the same) and there is no more wedding drama to revel in. What is a girl to do? Well, if I couldn't have my Heather I thought I would try to have a little "virtual vacation" in Rome with her. In order to do that I only needed a computer and a little freetime (which is harder and harder to come by these days). I looked up Rome on Google images and found some very nice pictures of Rome for my free (and very brief) vaca. While I was in Rome I visited some fountains, some chapels and ran into Mrs. Barreto. Apparently, her travel blog pictures came up in my search, and let me say, I am glad they did. It is so nice to see a friendly face when you are all alone in a foriegn country. I have posted a little bit of Mrs. Barreto on my blog for you all to enjoy. Ciao!

Very male sheep...

2005-09-07T22:33:00.000-07:00

The state fair was visited this weekend
A group date with my very best friends.

We saw llamas, pigs and some sheep,
(who someone will eventually eat).
The boy sheep had an interesting gate
In fact, they can hardly walk straight.
A pendulous orb hung down from below
An extra two pounds that they were forced to tow.

To eat funnel cake was key,
and thankfully none was hurrled at me.

Thanks to Joel for the great Labor Day plan,
Should we do it next year? Oh, I hope we can.

It's not a bachlorette party without a bloody foot

2005-08-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday Heather and her bridal entourage (which I am, thankfully, a part of) celebrated her last few days as a bachlorette. I think that we ended up striking a nice balance between relaxation and pure terror. The relaxing part being the massages and pedicures; the terror coming in to play when we all duck and covered, elementary school style, at the Oyster Bar. Thank you Mrs. Delp for teaching me, not only earthquake, but drive-by survivor skills as well. Fun times. Fortunatly, the only blood shed occured one table over when a barefoot girl ran over a broken glass. All and all, I would have to say it was a very fun night. Props to Heather for holding her own after five shots and a few mixed drinks as well. I would say we should do it again sometime but, let's face it, one shooting per lifetime is more than enough.

Eavesdropping on Strangers

2005-08-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

Since Heather has been so successful with, "Coversations with Jessie," I thought that I would start a little reoccuring section of my own. Here you will find interesting conversations between strangers that I overhear throughout my day.

This particualr conversation took place at a Mexican resturant in Sacramento. A woman and her friend were having a conversation about the woman's ongoing relationship saga. I will just give you a snipitet seeing as the conversation went on for the full half hour that Ryan and I were there...

Info: Woman has shared that she is in love with some man she is seeing but he will not commit. He regularly tells her of other women that he is going on dates with. She met him online. She has broken up with him three times but can't stay away... and they have only been dating since July.

Woman: I invited him to go see a girlfriend of mine in San Francisco. I told him should think about whether or not he wanted to make a commitment to an overnight trip with me yet, but, he said he would go.
Friend: Really.
Woman: Anyway, we went and had a really nice time. But then he tells me the following week that my friend called him after we had left and invited him over for the following weekend.
Friend: NO! Did he go?
Woman: Yes.
Friend: That bitch! [I would like to point out that no blame is put on the guy who AGREED TO GO but that the friend is a bitch for inviting him]
Woman: I know! I mean, she was my best friend. I could not believe her—stealing m my lover like that [interesting choice of words].
Friend: Why would she do that?
Woman: Well she's 34—just turned 34—and is not married and really wants kids. In fact, [hushed tones] she told him she was on birth control and she isn't. [we have now clarified the fact that, yes, her lover did sleep with the friend]
Friend: [equally hushed tones] No!

Okay, at this point you are thinking... what is the big deal? Woman has boyfriend, friend trys to steal boyfriend, woman shares with another friend. Oh-no people—it gets better. Turns out that she met her "lover" online at the end of June. It also turns out that she was married at the time and SEEKING OUT an extra-marital affair. What the heck is wrong with people! Here was my favorite part of the conversation...

Woman: I mean, I told him, "I think that you are judging me." Of course he said no. But I told him that just because I was having and affair with him was no reason to judge me as a person.

Obviously not.

Also, he is looking for someone that is, "right for him," and she thinks that that is crazy. I mean, you should just look for someone that you have fun with. Disregard the fact that he is an active bike rider, backpacker and runner while she is a couch potato... that is something you can work around if you like the person. Yeah, he shoud be taking relationship advice from a woman who seeks out a lover online BEFORE telling her husband that she wants a divorce. Oh, I almost forgot to mention—she has a son. Although her friend was quick to point out that she made a wise descision seperating from her husband so early in her son's life because he probably wouldn't even remember them together. Great.

I repeat...WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE! Having an affair—bad. Actively seeking one out—worse. Seriously.

Umm...gross.

2005-08-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know Ryan and I purchased a new Nissan Titan last Sunday. It is a beautiful truck and I love the way it looks in my driveway, however, it puts the two year old Corolla to shame. So today, seeing as I had a lot of freetime while Ryan was at his Friday night class (barf), I decided to spiff up the Corolla with a little washing and vacuuming (I know there are two of one letter in that word but I always forget which one it is). Anyway, as I reach the driverside carpet I see some small translucent cresents dotting the floor. That's right... toe nails. Seriously, who cuts their toe nails in the car? The answer to that question would be—my husband, Ryan. Disgusting. And the kicker is that I have discussed this bad habit with him before. The conversation went a little like this:

Brittaney: What the heck are these weird things?
Ryan: What?
Brittaney: These little half moon, plasticy things [picks offending item up for inspection]
Ryan: Oh... those are toe nails.
Brittaney: WHAT?!? [throws down toe nail and starts to gag]

Seriously, keep the toe nails in the bathroom trash can were they belong.

Ode to Cambria

2005-08-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

There once was a girl and boy
who in each other found joy
So they decided to marry in a church by the shore
then off to the reception to party some more

From the lodge you could hear the sea call
and gaze at a plant growing out of the wall
The priest was a bit shaky at times
but this was forgotten after a few glasses of wine
Brittaney wore her favorite Nu bra
Joel naked everyone in the room saw

Toni and Josh started marriage in bliss
and finally they could do more than kiss. :)

Happy wedding to you both (a little belated but better than nothing)!

My favorite...

2005-07-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

As I sit here and wait for pictures to upload for the Toni and Josh cinema spectacular I have been rating my favorite pictures from last weekend's rafting trip. I must say, this one far and away won the race. I mean, come on, we have action, alcohol and a face that could cause small children to wet thier pants. Excellent. My props to Heather for her photogenic candidness.

Just in case teaching doesn't work out

2005-07-11T22:39:00.000-07:00

I have recently been coming up with new and exciting things to fill my idle time during the day. Today I spent two hours detailing my car (SO worth it) and then I made a fun little arrangement with plants from my yard. I decided that it is pretty awesome to have an overgrown yard because, if you dig around long enough, you can find some pretty cool flowers. Anyway, I made a little something that involved flowers, branches and pears. I'm thinking that floral design could be a very lucrative career option in case Biology goes out of style. Awesome.

Choose wisely...too late

2005-07-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

I recently went to the movies (alas there was nothing avalible of the talking animal variety) to see Bewitched. While I was waiting for the movie to start, watching "THE 20," I sat in anticipation of the film that was to come. I mean, I love Samantha and Will Ferrell is a laugh riot, what could go wrong? And then the previews came on. I think I could make a killing selling, "I have choosen poorly and I would like to upgrade" passes during the previews. The problem is this: Dim lights, resalt popcorn and sit back to enjoy... a preview for a movie that looks way better than the one you are about to see. I mean, a woman answers her father's own personal ad, that is pure genious! Of course then, no matter how hard I try, I can not sike myself up for a film that includes a fiesty mother-in-law and a twitching nose. Damn it. A perfectly good matinee (because that is what unemployeed teacher posers do during their long, long, long, long, long boring free days) ruined by an amazing preview. Oh-well, I'll just have to come back on another lazy Wednesday afternoon to enjoy (and the title is even awesome) "Must Love Dogs."

Heather say "do" and I "doith"...

2005-07-05T11:28:00.000-07:00

My best friend, Heather, recently spoke of me in her blog. I must say that it was invigorating and tantalizing to see my own name in print. However, the shear euphoria was ended when I realized that I couldn't post a comment because Heather is unwilling to except those of us that chose to remain anonymous. Pity. Therefore, I thought to myself... "Self. Why no start your own blog?" and here I am.

Why talking animals you may ask? Well, I guess that stems from my love of movies that involve, that's right, talking animals. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a mid-day viewing of "Good Boy!" Seriously, no artsy, foreign film will ever give you the warm fuzzies that a talking border terrier will. It is just good cinema. Period.